Keeping Your Crown: The Black Woman’s Guide to Reclaiming Greatness is a call to action to challenge black women to live up to their full potential. Black women are strong, beautiful, astute and invaluable leaders worthy of the title “Queen.” This book insists that black women raise their personal standards and lead lives reflective of greatness. In particular, there are five specific areas black women should improve upon to advance their own lives and the state of Black America. These five areas include: managing our love lives, understanding men, strengthening our sisterhood, changing our views on single motherhood, and improving our self-image. Keeping Your Crown is an eye-opening book that forces black women to realize, they hold the power and potential of the black community in their hands. Keeping Your Crown encourages black women to live with purpose and intention and serve as positive agents of change within the black community.
Book Excerpt
Section 4: HOW “DADDY ISSUES” ARE DESTROYING “BLACK LOVE”
In addition to the previously mentioned harmful effects children endure, single parent households are also threatening the institution of marriage and productive, loving relationships. When women have children without the example of marriage, they are contributing to a generation of people who do not know how to love each other. There’s an influx of children being raised without fathers and suffering from daddy issues. These children grow into adults who have no clue how to love another person. They unceasingly struggle to form loving partnerships. Because positive examples of “black love” are rarely demonstrated in the home, our young kings and queens do not know how to treat each other properly. People gripe and complain about the lack of love in society nowadays. This lack of love and respect for one another is apparent in today’s music. The lyrics in music are a clear indication that the majority of our youth do not know how to perform respectful exchanges while dating. They insist they want “that 90’s R&B love.” Well, that love dissipated when people began having children out of wedlock at alarming rates. The newer generations are not witnessing “black love” like the older generations. In many instances, their parents don’t even like each other and fail to co-parent respectfully. What can children born from these loveless relationships possibly know about love? Broken homes are making people lonelier than ever. Even when children are produced from loving, healthy marriages, they cannot form healthy connections with people with daddy issues. These dysfunctions are too overwhelming for stable people to repair or tolerate. Relationships are built on trust and people who suffer from daddy issues are often too distrusting—due to abandonment issues and other let downs—to give and receive love properly. Human beings are intensely interconnected and need positive human interaction to be happy. People fail to realize how the mistakes they make when “raising” their children will affect how their children will connect to and interact with other people. In order for your children to give and receive love, they must first witness a healthy, functioning relationship from their mother and father. As a result of witnessing dysfunctional relationships and in turn, developing daddy issues, women are more promiscuous and men are more feminine than ever before! This role-reversal is out of control and must be stopped. Without the opportunity to watch their parents function in a successful relationship, our youth will continue to be confused about gender roles and what responsibilities they are expected to fulfill as men and women. Not only is the single motherhood epidemic ruining black communities, it is also destroying “black love.” This problem must be combated to enrich and improve the state of Black America.
Another problem with the single motherhood epidemic is that it creates disrespectful and strained relationships between black men and women. Black men and women must treat each other better and strive for loving, healthy and respectful relationships. It is malicious and selfish to force a man to become a father if he is not ready and if he is financially incapable. Forcing a man to become a father prematurely is damaging to his manhood, his self-worth and lessens his likelihood of succeeding. Black women must stop pinning children on underdeveloped black men before they are established and capable of providing for a child. Sure it may seem as though women are receiving more blame and liability in this situation but this is simply because women are typically more mature. Women also have control over what happens to their bodies. Women can use birth control, require men to wear condoms and use a morning after pill following a reckless night. She can even terminate an accidental pregnancy conceived with an immature man who will undoubtedly be an unfit father. It is ultimately the woman’s decision that determines whether she becomes a mother and whether he becomes a father. Part of being a queen entails assuming the role of a protector over our black kings. Don’t make decisions that will negatively impact a black man’s life if you have the power to avoid doing so. Don’t take advantage of a man’s naivety and stupidity by forcing him to fill a role he is incapable of fulfilling. Black women must protect black men in situations when they don’t know any better. If we expect men to protect us physically, we must protect them judiciously by keeping their best interests in mind, especially when it benefits the black community. Additionally, black men are wrongly incarcerated everyday so don’t allow child support jail time to serve as another means of incarcerating black men. Black women must stop procreating with broke men, expecting them to furnish loads of money once the child arrives, as if his financial situation would have miraculously improved overnight. The decision to become a parent signifies that one is mature enough to “bite the bullet” and accept the consequences that come along with having a child. When a woman chooses to have a child by a man who lacks resources, this decision indicates that she is content with a life of financial hardship. Don’t penalize a man for being a loser after you’ve allowed him to get you pregnant. At this point, you are the one to blame for turning a “little boy” into a father instead of denying him time, attention, energy and sex as a real woman should. Instead, black men and women must support one another in becoming successful. Black men and women must love each other better. We must agree to wear protection and focus on becoming better people prior to becoming parents. Having children out of wedlock and prior to achieving success is damaging to both black men and women as well as to our children and our community.
AUTHOR BIO
THE GLENN TWINS Joyce & Debra Glenn are models, actors, TV Hosts and entrepreneurs. Their career in the entertainment industry began when they started modeling at age 16. The twins’ modeling assignments consisted of cosmetic contracts, hair ads, editorial spreads and catalogue work. Their appearances together in major music videos made them popular “video vixens” and tremendously increased their familiarity which inspired the twins to begin branding themselves as “The Glenn Twins.” They had notable featured appearances in popular videos for major artists such as 50 Cent, Lil Wayne, Bow Wow, Jim Jones and R.Kelly. The twins eventually transitioned into acting and TV hosting as well. While working both together and individually, they landed roles in films, television and commercials. They had a major cameo in the feature film Fast And Furious 5 (Fast Five) and appeared in hit television shows such as The Rickey Smiley Show, Single Ladies and The Game.
Aside from their pursuits in the entertainment industry, the twins are passionate business women with BBAs in accounting (graduating Magna Cum and Suma Cum Laude) and are members of the prestigious business honor society, Beta Gamma Sigma. The twins have always had a desire to use their influence to empower women and bring awareness to social issues that will initiate positive change within the black community. To keep up with their latest endeavors, visit www.GlennTwins.com.
Get to know The Twins:
Interview Questions
- Who Are “The Glenn Twins?”
- We are published models and working actors & TV hosts. We begin branding ourselves as “The Glenn Twins” when we gained popularity as “video vixens” when that era was popular. We have since become entrepreneurs and published authors as well. We are also advocates of education (holding BBAs in accounting) and black consciousness.
- What motivated you to write this book?
- We have always been driven by the need to advance Black America. We take great pride in our heritage and have always understood the power black women hold in motivating men and children. We know that in order for black people to become successful, black women must have a positive mind-set to enrich our community.
- What do you want women to take away from this book?
- We want black women to treat themselves with a higher regard. We want to remind them that we are queens and we must make life choices that reflect greatness. We want women to love themselves and eradicate the single-motherhood epidemic in our communities. Black children deserve committed fathers and black women must make building strong black families a priority.
- In Section 1 “Managing Our Love Lives” you encourage black women to consider interracial dating…why?
- Black women deserve to be loved properly. Unfortunately the black male psyche has been damage to some degree. When black men grow up without fathers or good examples that encourage them to be good men, husbands and fathers, they lack the understanding of how to perform these responsibilities. We encourage black women to date and/or marry men who understand how to perform these responsibilities, even if they are not black men.
- In Section 2 “Understanding Men” Why do you stress the importance of letting men pursue women? Isn’t this process a bit old-fashioned?
- Courtship is old-fashioned but it isn’t obsolete. When women understand a man’s innate desire to pursue women she will understand that it is not her place to try to convince a man to love her. Men like what they like and it is impossible to influence a man to develop feelings for you.
- In Section 3 “Managing How We Treat Each Other” you encourage women to pay attention to their “internal dialogue” when engaging with other women…what is “internal dialogue” and why should women be concerned about these thoughts?
- Internal dialogue is the judgments and thoughts women harness when interacting with other women. It is important to analyze these thoughts because they will reveal if you are harnessing insecurities or if you are self-assured. Understanding and mastering self-love and self-acceptance is necessary to be a successful woman and a respectful and supportive sister to other black women.
- In Section 4 “Changing Our Views on Single Motherhood” you discuss the double standard that negatively affects women but not necessarily men when having children out of wedlock. What are these double standards?
- It is always disadvantageous for women to be a man’s baby momma. Women usually have primary custody which forces them to live as a parent while men can often live as bachelors. This makes dating and finding love while being a single mother much more restricted than it is for men. Also, women have to deal with post-partum bodies and possible psychological effects after child birth.
- In Section 4 “Changing Our Views on Single Motherhood” you identify 3 possible attitudes a woman’s baby daddy harvests for her. Why is it helpful to analyze how a woman’s baby daddy feels about her?
- The decision to give a man a child is the most important decision a woman will ever make. Analyzing how the man you appointed as “worthy” of this gift will indicate a woman’s decision making abilities, maturity, intellect and level of self-esteem.
- In Section 4 “Changing Our Views on Single Motherhood” you discuss how single-motherhood affects children’s dating patterns in adulthood. How so?
- The quality of the relationship between a child’s mother and father is immensely influential on how the child will interact in relationships in the future. Children will subconsciously mimic the relationship they have witnessed from their parents. Children will often seek-out a partner that mirrors their opposite sex parent. If the relationship was positive, children will more likely seek out positive, loving relationships. If the example was negative, abusive or toxic, they will likely seek out negative, abusive or toxic relationships.
- In Section 4 “Changing Our Views on Single Motherhood” you discuss how single-motherhood is cyclical. How can single-mothers break the cycle?
- Individual therapy and family therapy can correct and heal emotional damage and mental dysfunctions that caused the mother to choose an unfit father. Family discussions about how to properly structure a family can correct a child’s mindset. Receiving postsecondary education is proven to lessen the likelihood of a person having a child out of wedlock so single mothers should stress the importance of education and goal setting.
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Find the author:
Phone: (404) 406-8896
Email: [email protected]
Official Website: www.GlennTwins.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Glenntwins/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/glenntwins
Joyce Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/glenntwin_joyce/
Debra Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/glenntwin_debra/
Glenn Twins’ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theglenntwins
